April 29, 2006


I am a grade "A" complainer.

I learned this from my mother. We critique everything we see, both positvely and negatively, and when we hold a conversation/critique of products (this occurs most often while shopping), neither of us see it as that way. We see it as an informative commment. "Look at these crappy shoes, the heals would fall right off!" "Doesn't this bread look like it would mold fast."

Our critique doesn't end with a comment. We take it to the next level. Quality Standards. We have similar made-up rules and regulations that products must stand up to inorder to be a superior product. This tendancy for ridiculous rule making slips in to other areas of our lives; the order of clothes that hang in our closet, where books go in shelves, what things are allowed to "live" in the livingroom, "the" rules for healthy/clean living, etc. One of my mother's rules for a healthy relationship and one she loves to repeat to me is the "never complain about your spouse in public" rule. I have ignored this rule throughout our engagement and marriage, much to my husbands dismay, without ever having learned the true impact it had on M.

So the other day, when I complained on my blog about the husband, I held this rule in total disregard. I used my publicly listed blog as a diary entry never meant to be seen to the outside world. I was mad at M, but understood that a fight about it would amount to a hill of beans. So I wrote about it instead. And after writing it down and venting my frustration, I was able to let go of huge portion of my anger and avoid a fight. I had hoped when he read it, he would understand that. But perhaps I hoped too much, or didn't write my feelings clearly enough.

The goal of my post was not to prove my husband was wrong, but rather to let it be known where I was coming from. And to show that I am not the only wife who would see the situation as I saw it. I can completely see his argument and it's validity. (In fact, much of his comments are dead on.) I can also still see my point of view (of course) and the validity in it's argument.

Better late than never should be my motto. I hope I have clarified the issue for eveyone and that everyone reading learns my mother's rule faster than I have. For all my education, somehow I never really learned what I need to know.

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