July 14, 2006

Jobs? We don't need no stinking jobs!

I'm not really old enought to remember the ad that inspired this title. But as best as I can recall, three cowboys on their horses and stated "Burgers? We don't need no stinking burgers!" This is from the early eighties and it's been a running joke in my family ever since. We'll put anything in that sentence, when the need strikes to jokingly affront the speaker, or just to roar about something. For example, Mom says to Dad, "Here's the charcoal for the grill?" Dad will take the charcoal and in a loud (almost yelling) voice say, " Charcoal? We don't need no stinking charcoal!"

So back to jobs. My temporary job is almost up. August 21st is my last day, and while that's more than a month away, sometimes jobs take a little time to find. Although, we all know that I would rather keep my rather difficult job of reading magazines, knitting and, oh, answering the phone sometimes. I begin the job search. poop.

And while "searching" for a job yesterday in Woman's Day Magazine I came across a little contest. A children's picture book writing contest (no pictures necessary). I figure what the heck! I'll do it. I have a little time during the day, okay so maybe its more like 8 hours a day at work to fill-I'll write a book. It's can be about Hamsters, because really, what's not cute about Fatty Hamsters?

I researched tips on writing a picture book and began. What I discovered:
1. Writing a Children's picture book is rapidly becoming much harder than my thesis EVER was.
2. Covering a plot in 25- 32 pages with two sentances a page is insanely difficult.
3. Writing only two sentences a page is a challenge.
4. I can't really call the hamster in the story Fatty, even though that's exactly what hamsters are. Fatty fuzzy lumps of goodness.
5. Picture books are easier to write if you have pictures. Directly in front of you.
6. Never ever do an image search on Google for the phrases "hamster balls" or "boy in bed" even while moderate safe search is on when at work at a Medothist College.
7. Even a good plot, like "eat healthy" or "its okay people are different" are tremendously difficult to reduce to their essence.
8. Maybe this should be a silly book about a dancing goat.
9. Thank the stars above I have until September 6th to rewrite less than 500 words and 52 sentences.
10. I am so going to call that hamster Fatty, even though I shouldn't.

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