March 14, 2007

Spring and daylight savings time

I'm okay with the new earlier daylight savings time, but then I'm a morning person. What about y'all?

I'm so okay with it that I am trying to tempt Mother Nature into an early spring. For those of you that have been reading a while, you know that this is no small feat. I am the anti-Christ to plants, the veritable Brown Thumb of Doom. Once I tried to grow herbs in full sun. They died. Until I moved them into the shade in front of the garage door. They sprang right back to life as soon as I ran over them. Once I began to "care" for them the bastards died AGAIN! Do you understand that help to a plant who is under my care involves a one ton vehicle mowing them down?!

So this is what I figure-If I act as if I am destructing my lawn, garden, or plants will I reverse psychologize Big Momma Nature into making my plants grow. For example, I used the mower for the first time in my life on Sunday. That's right. I cranked that sucker myself and mowed a portion of our yard. A portion that had never been mowed before I might add. Can you tell?

Plowed those bitches down (also, if I disrespect The Old Nature Cow's work it helps add to the illusion) except for a few twiggy and grassy bits still standing. Four feet high. Just in case your not sure where I mowed I'll outline it for you.

I dutifully took the dog out into that section to let her inspect and christen it. She was not impressed and dutifully went poop elsewhere. I was actually depressed she was so unmotivated by my hard work. The cats have spoiled me by carefully checking out the litter pan each time I clean it, I guess. Still pooping, even elsewhere in the yard, on Mother Nature's handy work is totally out of line. She'll never let that one slide.

As a note of interest: The Hubby stood by and supervised. He's also only allowing me to mow the flat bits, as the self propelling concept might let the mower run away from me. Guess he thinks this is regular new chore for me or something? I haven't told him this is only to get him started for yarn work sooner. Oops.

I raked the rest of the yard on Monday after work. Gave myself an honest blister. (Won't show you a picture of that as it's not as impressive as my mowed lawn pic.) After I raked up 99 % of the leaves, I cheated and finished off with the leaf blower. Those four huge maple trees in the front don't stand a chance. I will have grass, because there's no way Momma N can ignore someone who messes up all her hard dead leaf decorating. She'll feel vengeful and grow grass there to spite me.

In an act of ultimate sacrilege, Tuesday I pulled up living plants (weeds) and piled all the organic trash into a big pile for burning. I will prolly need to be supervised for this activity as well, so that I retain my eyebrows. On top of that, I bought artificial fertilizer spikes to feed may dying Calla Lily. That's got to be like feeding someone else's kids 10 pounds of candy and sending them back to their parents. Big N is gonna be pissed about that one. Frankly, I'm surprised the Lily has lasted this long which the torture it's gone through.

Considering I've had this Lily since September, it's a miracle its even alive. It's had significant loses. And here I was thinking a plant that likes mild temperatures and moist soil would get along just fine with me. "Moist soil? I can't over water it!" was the joyous thought resounding through my brain. "Mild temperatures? It'll be a great inside plant!" was my sincere delusional belief. Now, I'm just hoping it makes it until Mom arrive for the Great Planting of 2007.

Oh and that azalea I had? Still kicking. Why? you ask. How is it possible that you haven't killed it yet? you wonder. I'll tell you my secret. *leans in conspiratorially and whispers* I completely ignore it.

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